I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
