There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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