It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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