I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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