Umm I'm too high to move.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
