Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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