Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
