just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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