how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
