but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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