don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
