grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
