What did we do last night that was yellow?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
