think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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