yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
