Me too!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
