i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
