alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
