She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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