hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
if only i could text you this smell
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
