I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
