Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
