The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
