I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
