I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
