Only a mothe r could love this liver
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
