ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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