Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
