I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
