LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
