Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
