wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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