I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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