omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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