i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
