im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
