Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
