dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
