I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
