i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
