the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
