:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
