Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
