There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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