My first STD was from a foam party
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
