Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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