my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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