A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
