so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
