I can tuck mytits in my pants
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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