Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
they're like a gay fantastic four
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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