Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
