Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
